No.
3 days ago - 
24
24
That awkward moment when your bankrupt culture war achieves an event horizon, when you step back and look at what you’ve become, a room full of people cheering on the eternal burning torture of millions of people with ecstatic glee, all channeled through the the soft voice of a child so pure that he can only be considered a perfect vessel of the Most High, all forgetting that the same Most High already begat a human vessel who came to establish inclusivity and acceptance as near-sacramental elements of your faith.
That awkward moment when you realize your blind devotion to a narrow interpretation of an ancient book has culminated in the global exposure of a clueless woman who can’t bring herself to denounce a proposed state-sponsored imprisonment of a tenfold of her country, as though the purpose of her religion is to create a sanitized, unblemished version of humanity, as though getting rid of all the queers would allow us to usher in the Kingdom of God here on earth.
That awkward moment when you realize that the volume of the condemnation for a particular “sin” from within this culture is directly proportional to the ease of which its critics can abstain from it, when it occurs to you that condemning homosexuality is so easy when you’re straight, literally the easiest thing you could possibly stand against.
Why is it that we never hear anything about gluttony from these fat fucks? When was the last time a single one of you heard someone condemn gluttony from the pulpit? You won’t, because we’re only interested in standing against perceived sins by which we’d never in a million years be tempted.
Why don’t we cage all the jealous people in an electrified fence? Or people who have “fits of rage” or “selfish ambition?” Or any number of other sins that are condemned far more often than homosexuality in scripture?
Because that would require an ounce of self-reflection, and why bother when you can just condemn everyone else in the room to eternal hellfire?
One hundred years ago, we weren’t drinking sugar water by the gallon. We did not evolve to consume this crap. We drink it now because we developed our ability to sell ourselves crap faster than our ability to protect ourselves from that crap.
It’s time someone put a brake to it. These things start in NYC and spread. Like the smoking ban - remember how the haters said “we’re so uncivilized, compared to Europe”? Now there’s a smoking ban in Ireland and Italy.
I will be laughing the loudest when Peter Feld’s smartphone dings to tell him he’s not allowed to order cheese fries with his space-burger at Shake Shack 3000 because government mandated healthcare necessitates insultingly intrusive regulations, eventually based on data mined from his social network behavior, that aim to keep people healthy.
“Haha,” I will say while patting him on the back, “The United States of Facebookmerica Corp. knows you have high blood pressure because you were goofing off on WebMD last night. Chill, they have your best interests in mind. Here, have a celery stick instead. You’re one away from unlocking the Healthy Citizen badge.”
3 days ago - 77
77 Accordin to the legends I heard… it was durin that “set adrift on memory bliss” era that a mad scientist took a My Buddy doll n marinated it in all the Johnson & Johnsons baby products the nigga could find n took it to a park while it was a light drizzle outside n tied it to a kite n let that shit hover over a rainbow for like 15 minutes n then buried it in his cabbage patch nahmean…. 9 months later the snow nigga Mac [Miller] sprouted outta the ground. True story b…
BIG GHOST CHRONICLES: The 5th Annual 10 Softest Niggas In the Game
4 days ago - 11
11
Today’s cartoon junk food, stoner alien and Nickelodeon Slime-based 90s nostalgia will have eaten itself when I see this image on a t-shirt with the caption, “CHILL.”
1 week ago - 14
14
A fabulous to-do list (via Jezebel)
This is my college roommate’s cousin. I posted it to Tumblr ages ago and then Nick put it on Reddit and it took nine months it to go viral when some guy claimed it was his kid.
It’s cool, though Internet. You can have this one. We cool.
1 week ago - 33
33
So it turns out Dr. House and Sherlock Holmes were once on a TV show together.
Now they need to do another TV show together. Right quick.
What.
WHAT.
Old news. You need to brush up on your Anglophile TV, TUMBLR
Hasn’t every British actor been in at least one show with every other British actor?
Alternate headline:
“Will the charges against Elizabeth Warren scalp her campaign, or will she manage to smoke-um peace pipe with her detractors?”
1 week ago - 8
8
