December 2011
When I see a recipe that’s all “2 cloves of garlic,” I just smdh and lol because if I’m going to take the time to peel garlic I’m gonna do up at least half a bulb, probably a whole one. This policy has never done me wrong.
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“The “My Life Would Suck Without You” singer replied:”
– Kelly Clarkson sticks by Ron Paul endorsement| The Daily Caller
When SEO keyword densities attack.
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“While researching whether [the turn the pit into a park] project could...”
– Parks and Recreation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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“Three days later, Ms. Calloway deleted her Tumblr.”
– deleted her Tumblr.
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The teens call it klooting. We call it “bad news.” All over the country. In your homes and backyards. Klooting has increased at an unprecedented rate. And your children could be at risk. Does your teen show any “trouble signs?”
Youth rudeness
Urinal mouth
Liker of raps
Infected home piercing
Child sex sores (CSS)
Visible buttcrack syndrome (VBS)
Dead teen
Even...
That awkward moment when the Party Rock Anthem airline commercial is the pre-roll ad for this Onion video about apocalyptically dumb party music.
Apparently it doesn't just mean "hot"
Roommate: How do I look?
Me: Oh girl...
Roommate: But does this makeup make me look like a hot mess?
Me: Totally.
Roommate: o__0
Me: Wait, a hot mess is good, right?
Roommate: -__-
Anonymous asked: Do you have a girlfriend?
“Type some jibberish into a Facebook search, like “ajksdhfakjsdf,” and you’ll...”
– Facebook Is Now Bigger than the Entire Internet Was in 2004 | Inc. Technology
Guy on 1 Train: Does this stop at Penn Station?
Me (friendly, happy to help): Yep.
Him: Oh OK…..[looooong pause]….I thought so, but I was just making sure.
Me:
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Ayo Hollywood.
me: ctrl-freak should be the title of a lifetime movie
Christine: about someone with ocd
who is also a hacker
me: ctrl-phreak
Christine: and also trying to find her kidnapped teenage daughter
me: kindapped by cybercriminals
Christine: that's the subtitle
ctrl-phreak - kidnapped by cybercriminals
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Let's talk about heating/cooling.
Very cool topic, right? Every winter I see thousands of AC units still installed in window frames. And every year I feel more like my dad, who’d say, “Shut that door, I ain’t trying to heat the whole neighborhood.”
I mean, I’m running my window fan right now because the heat is so jacked up in my apartment and because I “run hot” due to a thick layer of...
“The best one seemed inspired by a Mountain Dew commercial. A skater dude rides a...”
– How Carrots Became The New Junk Food | Fast Company
“FUCK YOU. IT’S CARROTS.”
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“i had a coffee and a cookie this morning and i am fucking FLYING”
– Cole, who normally abstains from caffeine and sugar (via slacktory)
***COOL GUY ALERT***
Nick: i want to smack pee-wee
me: aw he's so great
genius physical comedian
he so perfectly evokes a little kid w/ add
Nick: so does Fred
Cole: You take that back.
“She is now married to scientist Michael Blum. Blum and Sweeney, along with their...”
– Julia Sweeney - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It’s Pat’s daughter is named Mulan.
When one of my roommates has a booty call on his way, I queue up my “The Breakfast Machine” playlist. Not on my watch, ladies.
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“Please don’t do this cheap, sad thing.”
– Amazon Launches Christmas Attack on Local Shops
lol i do this all the time if no one’s watching.
“In 2007, she made a standing-room-only appearance at a library in Texas.”
– Shelley Duvall - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
BRB, starting a 3rd-wave pop-punk band called “No Punchbacks.”
“The music video starts with a boy who gets sucked into the screen, will.i.am...”
– Joints & Jam - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
